I’m not going to say anything about this video, because I promised myself this year I wouldn’t make fun of the mentally-impaired.

The video is NSFW, unless you work with a bunch of dirty whores.  

I thought Paris Hilton already celebrated her 27th birthday by dressing like a My Little Pony in remembrance of her childhood and less penile-looking pre-plastic surgery nose, but she decided to have yet another blow out, with blow being the operative word. She donned her Halloween costume of choice and dressed like a slutty policewoman to perform with the Pussycat Dolls burlesque troupe in Las Vegas on Saturday night. Paris also graced the gaping crowd with a performance in a giant champagne class while wearing a white sparkly bodice and feather boa. That far-away look in her half-lidded eyes as she groped herself is more evocative of Anna Nicole than Marilyn Monroe. She’s got to be pissed that Lohan stole her thunder with a topless photo shoot that just came out today. Just get more naked next time, Paris. People will pay more attention to you once you take more clothes off.

Here’s the video, thanks to TMZ. She looks like she’s posing for a photo shoot, not stripping for a crowd. Dita Von Teese would have some advice to give her under the guise of being helpful, but with a tone of disdain at how much she’s sully the art:

Paris was seen making out with newly-divorced Travis Barker at a club over the weekend. The first time she was spotted with the tattooed reality star and drummer, his estranged wife Shanna Moakler got mighty pissed and got into a screaming match with Paris. Now that they’re really divorced she doesn’t have much to scream about. We’ll leave that to Dita once she sees Paris’ lackluster performance.

Paris Hilton gets like a week of birthday parties… This one with her sister Nicky on Saturday night. 

In the ultimate show of brain-dead attention-whoring, Paris Hilton took to the stage this weekend at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas to celebrate her 27th birthday (again) by writhing around in lingerie and bathing in a champagne glass.

Barf.

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This weekend Paris slutted it — Pussycat Doll style for her birthday in Las Vegas. The heiress looked like a porn star (oh yes that is how she became a household name) at the Pussycat Lounge where she introduced the girls and enjoyed some cake. Later that night her sister Nicky was there to help her celebrate her birthday again, this time at Pure. Paris changed into a cute LWD that was way more innocent but we're thinking her behavior still wasn't all that clean. So much for reinventing herself after jail. In this case another year older does not translate into another year wiser.

Lots more pictures of Paris wearing next to nothing and then trying to be all innocent so just

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